The Year of the Phoneix

Well another year has rolled around, and I mean it is rolling - it is already March and there is already a mammoth list to be achieved this year and things have been achieved that I didn't even dare to dream could be possible

But as usual, I get ahead of myself. I feel before the new, there is a time to reflect on the old.

2010 was a magical yet difficult year. For those that follow my blog I am sure you remember the "growth" period I went through that showed prosperity through adversity. Basically, I went through a lot of shit. But through all of it has come growth and a list of achievements, the magnitude of which I still bork at.

"So...?" you are wondering, what did I actually do. Well here is the 2010 list in reflection:

* Perform in the Poetry Slam -

Yes I got up in front of a large number of people and delivered a passionate recount of the throws of a woman in her menstrual flows... through the conduit of a woman who thinks she is a cow that dreams of being a bulldozer. Yes it is strange, and yes it is just the type of lunacy that the average woman feel when she is in the grips of menstrual hormones. But it went down well. Sure I didn't win, but my highest score was 9/10 which I am proud of. Will I do it again this year? Probably - my only issue is how do you top a woman that thinks she is a cow wishing to be a bulldozer?

* Make the world a better place -

Well this goal is one of great lengths measured in small strides. It is not on objective for a year but for a lifetime. So far my charitable exploits have seen me supporting groups such as Amnesty International, Canteen, Autism Queensland and Life Education. And this year is only going to get bigger!

I am now a part of the APHEDA Qld committee which is Union aid abroad - fighting for workers right across the world not just in any one locality. They also raise funds for people in crisis such as with previous events support the Pakistan Floods. This is an organisation that had its begins in Palestinian refugee camps in Lebanon in 1984.

I will also being completing the Brisbane Bike Ride, raising funds for [ ]. I will again challenge myself to the Bridge to Brisbane, raising funds for [ ]. My support of Amnesty will continue and have recently committed my support of WSPA (World Society for the protection of animals)

I am also volunteering in Vanuatu in April with underprivileged children and assist with medical and educational assistance to rural communities. The shoot off of this is A.S.P.I.R.E - a bike riding adventure around the WHOLE of New Zealand to raise funds to build a full functional aid post in Vanuatu that is accessible to all the rural communities there.

That I am also part of the Social Justice Practice of Maurice Blackburn... so it is going to be a big year.

* Reduce my carbon footprint

Well this one whilst I have made little efforts here and there myself, has largely been done by my employer. Maurice blackburn has just become carbon neutral - all offices in all states. Can you believe it? We might not be able to rid the world of flatulent cattle but I think it is pretty cool that a national firm cares enough to do this - bravo

* Write a book

Like all things, this one is matter of progress. I am writing, I have characters and a storyline of sorts but since it is a story of personal evolution, albeit through psychosis, there is more experiences to be had before this can come into fruition - keep tuned.

* Land the ultimate dream job that incorporates my degree and travelling

Sorry to disappoint you kiddies, I am living the dream - working for a socially responsible law firm that is posting me all over Queensland in its various offices and getting paid well for it. Soon I will be in Sunny Mooroochydore, surfing before work - all expenses paid. And the sky is the limit from here on in.

* Learn to Dance - Hip Hop

I hipped, I hopped, I beeped and I bopped. I danced the shit out of it. Am I proficient? No. Did I have HEAPS OF FUN? Yes! Am I going back? can I get a Hell Yes!

* Learn to surf

You are looking at the owner of a beautiful 8 ft 9in malibu called mimi (or Marley depending on the day). Like the Hip Hop answer above - I sure as hell am not proficient by any stretch of the imagination. But do I try my guts out? Yes. Do I keep going back out into the ocean when Huey (surf god) pounds into me into modesty? Yes again. Do I have fun - well that is my issue by needing to be perfect. I feel more frustration at times than fun, but I am getting there. When you catch a wave, do a little turn and ride that sucker in - yeah I am having mundo fun.

* Cut off my hair

For 10 years or so I had hair done to my bum and it defined me. I was almost like a pet when so many people would preen over me and pat my hair - NO more! The hair is above my ears and looking funky as hell - as has been for the last year

* Be sober for a year (again)

Believe it or not I did it and raised almost $1000 for Life Education Australia. there you go kiddies -Happy healthy Harrold is still coming to a school near you!

* Give my last dollar to someone who needs it more

Call me a cheater, I did this already when I was in Vietnam, but I try and keep it as a goal to remember just how fortunate I am for the love, support and the means which I possess.

* Climb a mountain

I climbed a freakin mountain. And not just climbed it - free climbed it. In the Glasshouse Mountains, North of Brisbane is where we lay our scene. Trying to impress my then new boyfriend Liam, I surprised him with a camping trip while the promise he could climb whatever he liked - it turned out to be the biggest mountain in the ranges, Mount Triprogahgan (Sorry to the spelling police this is probably not the correct spelling). And I am happy to say that I made it. The next ambition is to climb Liam's favourite mountain... in Africa... the world's 4th highest mountain... yeah I am in trouble!

* Go skydiving

Over Wollongong in NSW, Liam and I jumped from 14 000 ft and scared the absolute sh*t out of myself but then had the time of my life! Not only am I doing it again but I am taking my mum for her birthday in October... bring it kiddies

* Run 10km for charity

As mentioned before I ran 10km in the Bridge to Brisbane 2010 for Autism Queensland... and i did it it just over an hour! I surprised even myself!

On top of this list, I achieve one major thing that I was too scared to even put on the list:

Become the first trainee lawyer to be running her own files by the end of my traineeship - I did this before I officially started my traineeship!

Which brings me to the final thought - be careful what you wish for, because you will get it... without doubt. First I was ridiculously stocked, then I was ridiculously stressed and now I am cruising (until tomorrow- added by Liam and confirmed by myself) - busy is how my work is, how I deal with it is up to me and after all the meltdowns at the beginning, I am doing well.

So kiddies it is a wrap - 2010 was a fruitful year and keep posted because, as the year of the Phoneix - it is going to be HUGE xoxo
So love and

A Half Birthday to Remember

And so the links that you have been told
Foretold this point where your path unfolds

Where ships of the past have sunk
Where purist thought has been thunk

Where daisies bloom with new honesty
Where your friends and family have shared my modesty

And so this is the newest clue
Which begins the path to me for you

Take your time
Wear something nice
By the time you are dressed from head to toe
Your next clue will present itself

But don't be too slow
You need to be at your next destination
Before 5pm
And keep a look out- it is small and may be hard to find
But don't be afraid to ask, the people are kind

Let the Journey begin and phone a friend option is available... should you need it

Last Two Steps of a Thousand Mile Journey

Honey, to get in touch with myself
I need to tear myself apart
Strip myself bear
So I stand naked with beauty

I need to rip away every layer
Pierce my eyes through to my very core
And when my gaze finally rests
I see you.

I want some many things;
Have so many dreams
But for fear alone
I envisioned their achievement on my own.

Yet; there are still mountains
I need to conquer
Fears I need to quench
With the sweat from my own brow.

You are forever in my sights
But my past I need to reconcile
There were paths laid
Before the one that lead me to you.

Sometimes I feel wrong wanting solitude
When I ache for you
I feel the need to tear away and draw close
The answers are clear but I not the eyes to see them.

There are questions I need answered
Posed long before the ultimate question presented itself
I love you till the breadth of every ocean;
But the oceans still exists.

I cannot love you fully
Until I know myself;
Know why I suffered anger, hunger and pain
Till your face quelled my anxiety.

It would be so simple to accept
The majesty of your love; and all you bring
But I never want to cast my mind back
And say
why?
Why was I left wanting?


There are simple truths;
You are my alpha; my omega,
My divine and pure guiding light
And before this life and others, to you I was betroved

But at one time I longed for another
And before that I hated the taste
Of my own skin.
These journeys need an ending

And now my feet feel an itch like no other
For months it has clawed at my soul
There are things that need to be finished
There is knowledge I need to know

And now all road lead to home,
To you; and the destiny beyond
There are ties that need to be tied
And ropes that need to be undone

You are a selfless man
And to my needs I know you understand
To bend; to weave; tie yourself in knots if I proceed
Bathed in the thickness of your love

My love you know is nothing-
Pale and sickly
Like a child that has never seen the sun.
But you will see the sun

I breach the end of a year in transition
And see the many lessons
Laid bare at my feet
And see the light of completion

The time between us is infinite and short
My love complete and self doubt fading
With these steps
I will cement my love

I want your children, your family
Your brights and your burdens
I am your complete
But there is so little at my feet

The past is almost faded
And myself no longer jaded
By love’s pure and guiding light
I see you; my god I see you

Know the leave I take
Is to bring me closer to you
So I might surrender my self completely
To your intoxicating wish

To the pitter patter of little feet
To burgeoning careers symbiotic and complete
To simple joys and dancing smiles
I will cry for you
But only because I have found you;
You found me
And I have waited for you all my lives
Please wait for me a few more days
And I will repay you more than you can say

"FUF" Poetry Slam 2010

The next poem is entitled "FUF" meaning fuck you flow. There has been some additions since the reading at the poetry slam at the state library this year in August, but here it is

This is for my girls
Stepping to and fro
Toe to toe
With the monthly flow

You know flow? that bitch
With every hip switch
She makes you itch
And on a monthly basis
Makes you lose you shit

So when you see her say "FUF"
you know- FUF?

Fuck you flow
You make me crazy...
Like a cow;

Like a cow, mad with disease
Down on bended knees
Praying to God "please-
Make me a bulldozer"

Like some skittish cow
Cowering in the corner of the milking shed
Feeling abuse; confused; mistreated; misled,
When hormones and despair inside me ripple;
To find...

I am crippled
By surperfluous nipples

Looking down at her udders in utter dismay
Screaming "God! Why did you make me this way?
What did I do to deserve this-
I mean, what am I mean to do with four tits?"
I look like I am the victim of nipple weights
Their purpose I am still yet to contemplate

"So God, instead of doing me me over
Why; oh why not make me a bulldozer?
Something of use? Something of purpose?
Some reason to be on this earth's surface?
Something poignant? Something real?
NOT SOME FAT KID'S HAPPY MEAL!

I'm Sorry...
I want to be the Hindu cow
You know-
The one that's totally at peace
With being a walking tray of meats

But I am not

I am not that cow

I am the crazy one;
The one you should never give a gun...

'Cause I'd rock up into McDonald's
With that gun thrust in the cashier's face
Saying "Pickle? [crazy, long laugh] Pickle?!?!
You want to know about a pickle!?!

I am a woman who thinks she is a cow
Who wants to be a bulldozer
Waiting all this time for old Mcdonald
To tell me to bend over
And you know what-
I am going to need more than fries with that"


So, Flow;
Fuck you Flow
Ugh;

Just five more days to go

23 April 2010

The mortal pleasures no longer move me,
Nor my hand to prose
For I can not lay with another
Thou in my heart I ache to be held
Fore it will be a waste
A moment sullied with impatience
In which I could not wait for my love

I am a woman
Bereft of love’s embrace
Longing; lingering
Till I shall taste love’s kiss upon my lips
And open my eyes anew
To see the world in vibrant colour
To dance in time with love’s beat drumming

No longer alone, no longer searching
I will take my leave of a melancholy existence
Where I sat in patience for love’s embrace
Chaste; unseeing to the eyes that lingered upon me
Fore it is not their gaze that I deserve
Nor their hand or flesh upon my own
The thought alone will tarnish my virtue

My desserts; just and simple; is love
In all its glory
Beauteous; unwavering; kind
To intoxicate, ensnare and bewitch my every sense

I am locked between two worlds
One I cannot return
And another I am not yet invited
Though my patience wears thin
I will suffer in silence obligingly

I know you intimately
And long with you to be reunited
Though, in this life, we have not met
I will not trifle with another
Until my gaze falls upon yours
Where, in your eyes, I see recognition
And before them picture of our future, our story unfolding
Perfect moments suspended in time
Before the space between us is closed
Before you utter the words
I have found you
And where I whisper
I am yours

Night Winds

The wind flows from the North
Bringing the sounds of the Tide
Bringing the sounds of my Love

Night crawls on in two cities
Well two towns that have grown
And hearts sounds across the distance

Footsteps near and far
Each stepping in time
To and out of tune

So long to be stepping
To find the footsteps that match
Once found to find they are apart once more

Brief separation with chance meetings
Again and again, one life into the next
Once more we gaze into each others eyes

So long between meetings
It takes so long to recognise
But I knew you all along

The Beating Heart

I am the heart that beats
Not hand; Nor foot
Or the physically
Of the pumping muscle in my chest

I am the culmination
Of all that I feel
Edging toward a constant state
Of Love; Bliss; Rapture; Contentment
Different names thou inately the same

I am the heart that beats
Choosing life in its entirety
Seeing beauty thou its face may be ugly
Understanding the purpose

I am the focused eye
That sees time for what it is
Far from a linear concept
But a home for our immortal souls
That are ageless and without time

Its journey measured
In moments, emotion, affairs of the heart
Bearing no hommage
To the tyranny of the clock
Or its seconds it tossed aside

Time is space
Merely a place where we are
Malleable to our desires
Or will to manifest

But in our haste to run
In the Human race
We cast our divining rods asunder
Embracing time as our captor

I am the heart that beats
Keeping time; no longer kept
Breathing Love, feeling truth
Unabashed as the nakedness of my soul
Beauty to behold
Treasure to see unfold
Like all creatures of form
Seeking unity, atonement, a home

Not so long to go

The roads we travel intermingle
Like reeds on the ocean floor
Swaying and flowing
Together and Alone

We are propelled by the same forces
Prone to change
Ebb and Flow
In the course of cosmic energy

But it is now that our eyes are open
And we observe the patterns of the waves
We see the currents; the rips; the gutters
And see the entirety of it all

We are not isolated beings
Transient and berieft of meaning
But conscious souls
Seeking the questions to the answers we already know

And those questions can be answered by another
Nor can answers posed be digested without inner will
I chose, I feel, I ponder
And no-one else can do that for me

The paths we take may vary
But the course we seek is the same
The inner journey; destination of the soul
Personal acceptance of the beauty we behold

Mui Ne Beach Bumming

Sitting by the South China Sea
Drinking Wax's Dream
This is a dream

Surrealism
Back to the crowds
Enjoying my own space;

This palce
Lights that blink on the night's horizon
The city on the sea

So where do I find myself?
South Central chilling to Reggae beats?
Lost in the chatter of foreign tourists.

The tiny umbrellas
And twisted straws
The shake of ice that brings the people at night
Retreating from the morning light

All this vietnam
A place of diverse experience
Endless surprises from dawn until sunrises

I have found a peace
That I can fold;
Pack and store into my pocket

I see myself no more
Or the self I had created
It means nothing here
Did it ever matter at all?

I will never be the same again
Vietnam is to thank or to blame?
My experience is my perception

My program rewritten
I am kind; forgiving
And as light as the wind that takes me

Cambodian Dreaming

Today I saw the world
In the eyes of a child
Covered in dust
But bursting with love
Eager with anticipation
to absorb all that I could give

My time means more here
Than it does to myslef
The waves of self absorption
Melted; drifted
Away in those eyes

The warm embraces
Gestures that are measured not by money
But by love;
Compassion;
The real gifts in this world

In those eyes;
Those piercing eyes
I find a meaning
And the frivolity
Of my first world existence

Bold In Love

The exterior is merely a reflection
Of waters that flow within
A ripple effect of the mind's journey
Through space and time
And footsteps from the past

The body;
merely a vessel
Is no representation
of worth
Or the value I bring to this world

It carries me on my journey
Taking the earthly steps the soul cannot tread
Giving the mind refuge;
And a pedestal
A home for the spirit to live

The way I feel is what matters;
The choices I make
And the thoughts I allow to linger
Are true determinations
The measure of my character

The past does not matter;
The future is yet to exist
It is the love that I give
Right here and now
That generates the peace I seek

It is time to dispense old habits
Old methods;
Old means;
Old measures of self evaluation
Based on arbitrary standards

I am as free as I allow myself
My consciousness expanding
With each breathe; each heartbeat
The more I realise I am a gift to this world
I more I can keep giving

I say goodbye to the Miser
And cleanse my entity of its toxic past
Shedding it like dead skin
I now step into my destiny; my nameskae
And will be Bold In Love

A Brief Pause In The Past

I guess we are all searching;
Looking for the one
And pause to long with others
We stumble upon in our search
Neither pieces in the other's puzzle
As much as we try to make them fit

Saigon- War Widow

I saw the war today;
Decades before my time
Tears soaked heat glisten cheeks
My ignorance washed away

I turn from smiling faces
That should rightfully begrudge me
And the many cultures I represent
Cultures that I have been born to

To find the real weapons of mass destruction
Black souls of Americans... and Australians
Not those conscripted to fight
But those that crave the spoils of war

Disembowled humanity
Bodies littering the roads in futile escape
Children scream as napalm tears away their skin;
Their dreams;
And chances of evolution

Em dep lum

Tonight I leave a world behind
Encapsulation of twenty six years
To leap forward to the world beyond
And cast away old shadows

New Taste, New Experience
New Vigour
Old Dreams rise refreshed
New aspirations blooming like Spring Time

Winter has passed;
And Spring has burst forth with new colour
A vibrancy unmatched in all these years
Respect for age and time
And faith in true beauty now found

Temples to offer worship
New understandings of all that has come to pass;
And all there is to come
To see bounty in serenity
And what a gift it is to be human

Spirit is what drives us onward
From the smallest adversities to the largest wars
It is what we take with us on our journeys
rebuild, renew, regenerate
And share the prosperity

I stand, ready to be humbled
And truely be grateful for the privileged life I lead
Theoretical understanding
Can never replaced the lessons of what is seen,
thought and felt

On this journey I leave behind I world I've known
And for too long being comfortable
It is time to clear out old ideals,
Addictions to comfort
That stifle the creative energy


Goodbye old life, I doubt I will miss you

Universal Unity

Magical Majesty
Concurrent Coincidence
I am the Creator;
The Master;
And the Student

Zen Like Zeal
Played with flaming flourish
I pluck the cords of life
Like a well strung guitar

You see, I think right, now
Both in this instant
And in collective conclusion
The methodical mind mapping the Mekong
I am at peace in my delta

Now Spring is springing
And all falsities sprung
I am dubious of doubt
And the plague it once brought upon my house

I am at one, it is not accidental
That I move from transient to transcendental
Creative conductor; symphonic maestro
I walk lightly
And fear no more

Angel Bonita

A light in the darkness
An angel in the night
Golden cascades frame the cherub
Who's celestial grace is too much for this world

In the shell of a crazy fox
Beguiles the innocence within
Joyous, pure and good natured
Cunning seconded by
An inexhaustible will

Yet the fox peers into the Lake of life
And recognises not what it sees
This angel in disguise
Trapped by those who will her ignorance

A life blemished with violence
A reaction by those who loathe their own inadequacies
To which pure love is a flame
And not a beacon

Too many poachers surround
Trying to claim the angel's hide
Like some trophy; a captive
Pulling her mercilessly in competing directions

But what they fail to see;
If only they could open their eyes
Through violence and neglect
This angel has flourished
And gained invaluable tools of survival

Try as they may to control you
They are feeble sticks in a raging river
Nothing can contain such spirit
Always enlivened by the challenge

The crazy fox; the wanton angel
The love child of serendipity
Will outlast the throws of man.
She will always be free

Thunder Storms

I wrote this last night while I sat on the verandah and watched the storm thunder overhead

I sit amongst the weather
And feel it ensnare my senses-
The rumble of the electric sky
Bleaches the horizons with flashes
almost like memories
Reminds me that we all have a place
In the majesty of the universe

I have never seen the hills
Quite as clearly as I do now
The wind and rain chills me
But I would rather feel
Than to perceive through glass safehouses
For the first time in years I feel alive

The Clouds announce their prominence;
The Wind blows stronger
As the Rain steadily increases
Yet I remain unmoved.
The Lightening Strikes to the East
And I will live inside no more

Unexpected Discovery

I was looking thorugh old diaries, trying to find a poem I wrote about my best friend (and plutonic soulmate) about a year ago. Instead I found this extract I recorded from a dream I had. I don't remember the "asking", but I felt I was seeking answers in my life abnd the life of my closest friend. This was the response from an old American-Indian medicine woman whose words were translated by a younger female relative of the tribe:



"You come from a time and place that does not respect age.



You are at your peak; and you are beautiful. If you waste this, you will have nothing



You need to believe or you will destroy yourself



**** we can not help- we just give her refuge; let her rest"





**** is my best friend but for respect I omit her name. And in relation to her, I am glad I "let her rest" I have only wanted her happiness and worried not about where her road would take her. I know that she will always grow and that road will always lead back to me.

To Sam

I am glad I am the breeze in your life I always intended
Brisk but uplifting
A refreshing breathe in an ordinary life

I longed to leave no trace;
Just only fond memories
Of distant times where we were all just finding our place

All I foreaw is coming to fruition
And you will bask in a love you truely derserve

For I have been always been a wind
Transient and distant;
Though potent in your memories, there is little evidence of my existence

I am thankful for our regenerated friendship
Knowing now my winds are due to change
My face may give no clue to what is coming
But this breeze is destine for distant shores.

I stand here on the brink of our final days
And smile knowing all that we have achieved
Few can suffer the howling winds of winter
To see the beauty of a new Spring Day

I give love to you and all that you have been
You have found your Juliet and I have found the East
Although we cannot change the past
We have rewritten the future

Thoughts on Love

Like all of us, I have known love, lost love and endured love unreturned. I was thinking about the latter whilst driving to work when this little snippet came to mind:

To know pain is to know the importance of giving love,
And be unashamed of your feelings

To gaze upon the scars of past hurt
instills the need to do no harm

Do not begrudge those for their indiscretions against you
For you have touched more lives in your wake
Than you care to realise

Lament the fact that they have not come into themselves,
The people that they are destine to be
And without this purpose they wander aimlessly,
floundering amongst a sea of pathless souls
were collisions are many and imminent