The Year of the Phoneix

Well another year has rolled around, and I mean it is rolling - it is already March and there is already a mammoth list to be achieved this year and things have been achieved that I didn't even dare to dream could be possible

But as usual, I get ahead of myself. I feel before the new, there is a time to reflect on the old.

2010 was a magical yet difficult year. For those that follow my blog I am sure you remember the "growth" period I went through that showed prosperity through adversity. Basically, I went through a lot of shit. But through all of it has come growth and a list of achievements, the magnitude of which I still bork at.

"So...?" you are wondering, what did I actually do. Well here is the 2010 list in reflection:

* Perform in the Poetry Slam -

Yes I got up in front of a large number of people and delivered a passionate recount of the throws of a woman in her menstrual flows... through the conduit of a woman who thinks she is a cow that dreams of being a bulldozer. Yes it is strange, and yes it is just the type of lunacy that the average woman feel when she is in the grips of menstrual hormones. But it went down well. Sure I didn't win, but my highest score was 9/10 which I am proud of. Will I do it again this year? Probably - my only issue is how do you top a woman that thinks she is a cow wishing to be a bulldozer?

* Make the world a better place -

Well this goal is one of great lengths measured in small strides. It is not on objective for a year but for a lifetime. So far my charitable exploits have seen me supporting groups such as Amnesty International, Canteen, Autism Queensland and Life Education. And this year is only going to get bigger!

I am now a part of the APHEDA Qld committee which is Union aid abroad - fighting for workers right across the world not just in any one locality. They also raise funds for people in crisis such as with previous events support the Pakistan Floods. This is an organisation that had its begins in Palestinian refugee camps in Lebanon in 1984.

I will also being completing the Brisbane Bike Ride, raising funds for [ ]. I will again challenge myself to the Bridge to Brisbane, raising funds for [ ]. My support of Amnesty will continue and have recently committed my support of WSPA (World Society for the protection of animals)

I am also volunteering in Vanuatu in April with underprivileged children and assist with medical and educational assistance to rural communities. The shoot off of this is A.S.P.I.R.E - a bike riding adventure around the WHOLE of New Zealand to raise funds to build a full functional aid post in Vanuatu that is accessible to all the rural communities there.

That I am also part of the Social Justice Practice of Maurice Blackburn... so it is going to be a big year.

* Reduce my carbon footprint

Well this one whilst I have made little efforts here and there myself, has largely been done by my employer. Maurice blackburn has just become carbon neutral - all offices in all states. Can you believe it? We might not be able to rid the world of flatulent cattle but I think it is pretty cool that a national firm cares enough to do this - bravo

* Write a book

Like all things, this one is matter of progress. I am writing, I have characters and a storyline of sorts but since it is a story of personal evolution, albeit through psychosis, there is more experiences to be had before this can come into fruition - keep tuned.

* Land the ultimate dream job that incorporates my degree and travelling

Sorry to disappoint you kiddies, I am living the dream - working for a socially responsible law firm that is posting me all over Queensland in its various offices and getting paid well for it. Soon I will be in Sunny Mooroochydore, surfing before work - all expenses paid. And the sky is the limit from here on in.

* Learn to Dance - Hip Hop

I hipped, I hopped, I beeped and I bopped. I danced the shit out of it. Am I proficient? No. Did I have HEAPS OF FUN? Yes! Am I going back? can I get a Hell Yes!

* Learn to surf

You are looking at the owner of a beautiful 8 ft 9in malibu called mimi (or Marley depending on the day). Like the Hip Hop answer above - I sure as hell am not proficient by any stretch of the imagination. But do I try my guts out? Yes. Do I keep going back out into the ocean when Huey (surf god) pounds into me into modesty? Yes again. Do I have fun - well that is my issue by needing to be perfect. I feel more frustration at times than fun, but I am getting there. When you catch a wave, do a little turn and ride that sucker in - yeah I am having mundo fun.

* Cut off my hair

For 10 years or so I had hair done to my bum and it defined me. I was almost like a pet when so many people would preen over me and pat my hair - NO more! The hair is above my ears and looking funky as hell - as has been for the last year

* Be sober for a year (again)

Believe it or not I did it and raised almost $1000 for Life Education Australia. there you go kiddies -Happy healthy Harrold is still coming to a school near you!

* Give my last dollar to someone who needs it more

Call me a cheater, I did this already when I was in Vietnam, but I try and keep it as a goal to remember just how fortunate I am for the love, support and the means which I possess.

* Climb a mountain

I climbed a freakin mountain. And not just climbed it - free climbed it. In the Glasshouse Mountains, North of Brisbane is where we lay our scene. Trying to impress my then new boyfriend Liam, I surprised him with a camping trip while the promise he could climb whatever he liked - it turned out to be the biggest mountain in the ranges, Mount Triprogahgan (Sorry to the spelling police this is probably not the correct spelling). And I am happy to say that I made it. The next ambition is to climb Liam's favourite mountain... in Africa... the world's 4th highest mountain... yeah I am in trouble!

* Go skydiving

Over Wollongong in NSW, Liam and I jumped from 14 000 ft and scared the absolute sh*t out of myself but then had the time of my life! Not only am I doing it again but I am taking my mum for her birthday in October... bring it kiddies

* Run 10km for charity

As mentioned before I ran 10km in the Bridge to Brisbane 2010 for Autism Queensland... and i did it it just over an hour! I surprised even myself!

On top of this list, I achieve one major thing that I was too scared to even put on the list:

Become the first trainee lawyer to be running her own files by the end of my traineeship - I did this before I officially started my traineeship!

Which brings me to the final thought - be careful what you wish for, because you will get it... without doubt. First I was ridiculously stocked, then I was ridiculously stressed and now I am cruising (until tomorrow- added by Liam and confirmed by myself) - busy is how my work is, how I deal with it is up to me and after all the meltdowns at the beginning, I am doing well.

So kiddies it is a wrap - 2010 was a fruitful year and keep posted because, as the year of the Phoneix - it is going to be HUGE xoxo
So love and

A Half Birthday to Remember

And so the links that you have been told
Foretold this point where your path unfolds

Where ships of the past have sunk
Where purist thought has been thunk

Where daisies bloom with new honesty
Where your friends and family have shared my modesty

And so this is the newest clue
Which begins the path to me for you

Take your time
Wear something nice
By the time you are dressed from head to toe
Your next clue will present itself

But don't be too slow
You need to be at your next destination
Before 5pm
And keep a look out- it is small and may be hard to find
But don't be afraid to ask, the people are kind

Let the Journey begin and phone a friend option is available... should you need it

Last Two Steps of a Thousand Mile Journey

Honey, to get in touch with myself
I need to tear myself apart
Strip myself bear
So I stand naked with beauty

I need to rip away every layer
Pierce my eyes through to my very core
And when my gaze finally rests
I see you.

I want some many things;
Have so many dreams
But for fear alone
I envisioned their achievement on my own.

Yet; there are still mountains
I need to conquer
Fears I need to quench
With the sweat from my own brow.

You are forever in my sights
But my past I need to reconcile
There were paths laid
Before the one that lead me to you.

Sometimes I feel wrong wanting solitude
When I ache for you
I feel the need to tear away and draw close
The answers are clear but I not the eyes to see them.

There are questions I need answered
Posed long before the ultimate question presented itself
I love you till the breadth of every ocean;
But the oceans still exists.

I cannot love you fully
Until I know myself;
Know why I suffered anger, hunger and pain
Till your face quelled my anxiety.

It would be so simple to accept
The majesty of your love; and all you bring
But I never want to cast my mind back
And say
why?
Why was I left wanting?


There are simple truths;
You are my alpha; my omega,
My divine and pure guiding light
And before this life and others, to you I was betroved

But at one time I longed for another
And before that I hated the taste
Of my own skin.
These journeys need an ending

And now my feet feel an itch like no other
For months it has clawed at my soul
There are things that need to be finished
There is knowledge I need to know

And now all road lead to home,
To you; and the destiny beyond
There are ties that need to be tied
And ropes that need to be undone

You are a selfless man
And to my needs I know you understand
To bend; to weave; tie yourself in knots if I proceed
Bathed in the thickness of your love

My love you know is nothing-
Pale and sickly
Like a child that has never seen the sun.
But you will see the sun

I breach the end of a year in transition
And see the many lessons
Laid bare at my feet
And see the light of completion

The time between us is infinite and short
My love complete and self doubt fading
With these steps
I will cement my love

I want your children, your family
Your brights and your burdens
I am your complete
But there is so little at my feet

The past is almost faded
And myself no longer jaded
By love’s pure and guiding light
I see you; my god I see you

Know the leave I take
Is to bring me closer to you
So I might surrender my self completely
To your intoxicating wish

To the pitter patter of little feet
To burgeoning careers symbiotic and complete
To simple joys and dancing smiles
I will cry for you
But only because I have found you;
You found me
And I have waited for you all my lives
Please wait for me a few more days
And I will repay you more than you can say

"FUF" Poetry Slam 2010

The next poem is entitled "FUF" meaning fuck you flow. There has been some additions since the reading at the poetry slam at the state library this year in August, but here it is

This is for my girls
Stepping to and fro
Toe to toe
With the monthly flow

You know flow? that bitch
With every hip switch
She makes you itch
And on a monthly basis
Makes you lose you shit

So when you see her say "FUF"
you know- FUF?

Fuck you flow
You make me crazy...
Like a cow;

Like a cow, mad with disease
Down on bended knees
Praying to God "please-
Make me a bulldozer"

Like some skittish cow
Cowering in the corner of the milking shed
Feeling abuse; confused; mistreated; misled,
When hormones and despair inside me ripple;
To find...

I am crippled
By surperfluous nipples

Looking down at her udders in utter dismay
Screaming "God! Why did you make me this way?
What did I do to deserve this-
I mean, what am I mean to do with four tits?"
I look like I am the victim of nipple weights
Their purpose I am still yet to contemplate

"So God, instead of doing me me over
Why; oh why not make me a bulldozer?
Something of use? Something of purpose?
Some reason to be on this earth's surface?
Something poignant? Something real?
NOT SOME FAT KID'S HAPPY MEAL!

I'm Sorry...
I want to be the Hindu cow
You know-
The one that's totally at peace
With being a walking tray of meats

But I am not

I am not that cow

I am the crazy one;
The one you should never give a gun...

'Cause I'd rock up into McDonald's
With that gun thrust in the cashier's face
Saying "Pickle? [crazy, long laugh] Pickle?!?!
You want to know about a pickle!?!

I am a woman who thinks she is a cow
Who wants to be a bulldozer
Waiting all this time for old Mcdonald
To tell me to bend over
And you know what-
I am going to need more than fries with that"


So, Flow;
Fuck you Flow
Ugh;

Just five more days to go

23 April 2010

The mortal pleasures no longer move me,
Nor my hand to prose
For I can not lay with another
Thou in my heart I ache to be held
Fore it will be a waste
A moment sullied with impatience
In which I could not wait for my love

I am a woman
Bereft of love’s embrace
Longing; lingering
Till I shall taste love’s kiss upon my lips
And open my eyes anew
To see the world in vibrant colour
To dance in time with love’s beat drumming

No longer alone, no longer searching
I will take my leave of a melancholy existence
Where I sat in patience for love’s embrace
Chaste; unseeing to the eyes that lingered upon me
Fore it is not their gaze that I deserve
Nor their hand or flesh upon my own
The thought alone will tarnish my virtue

My desserts; just and simple; is love
In all its glory
Beauteous; unwavering; kind
To intoxicate, ensnare and bewitch my every sense

I am locked between two worlds
One I cannot return
And another I am not yet invited
Though my patience wears thin
I will suffer in silence obligingly

I know you intimately
And long with you to be reunited
Though, in this life, we have not met
I will not trifle with another
Until my gaze falls upon yours
Where, in your eyes, I see recognition
And before them picture of our future, our story unfolding
Perfect moments suspended in time
Before the space between us is closed
Before you utter the words
I have found you
And where I whisper
I am yours

Night Winds

The wind flows from the North
Bringing the sounds of the Tide
Bringing the sounds of my Love

Night crawls on in two cities
Well two towns that have grown
And hearts sounds across the distance

Footsteps near and far
Each stepping in time
To and out of tune

So long to be stepping
To find the footsteps that match
Once found to find they are apart once more

Brief separation with chance meetings
Again and again, one life into the next
Once more we gaze into each others eyes

So long between meetings
It takes so long to recognise
But I knew you all along

The Beating Heart

I am the heart that beats
Not hand; Nor foot
Or the physically
Of the pumping muscle in my chest

I am the culmination
Of all that I feel
Edging toward a constant state
Of Love; Bliss; Rapture; Contentment
Different names thou inately the same

I am the heart that beats
Choosing life in its entirety
Seeing beauty thou its face may be ugly
Understanding the purpose

I am the focused eye
That sees time for what it is
Far from a linear concept
But a home for our immortal souls
That are ageless and without time

Its journey measured
In moments, emotion, affairs of the heart
Bearing no hommage
To the tyranny of the clock
Or its seconds it tossed aside

Time is space
Merely a place where we are
Malleable to our desires
Or will to manifest

But in our haste to run
In the Human race
We cast our divining rods asunder
Embracing time as our captor

I am the heart that beats
Keeping time; no longer kept
Breathing Love, feeling truth
Unabashed as the nakedness of my soul
Beauty to behold
Treasure to see unfold
Like all creatures of form
Seeking unity, atonement, a home